The Flicker That Didn’t Win

My phone lit up today— and I froze the moment I glanced down. It wasn’t for long though, just a brief second as my eyes scanned the screen.

The number that flashed, it belongs to a name that I’ve known for a long time. It‘s connected to a story I survived. A past-life version of myself that I no longer carry.

And before I tell you anything else, let me tell you the truth:

A part of me did pull. Not the part that wants connection— but the part that remembers who I used to be when connection cost me. I was the girl who bent. Who explained. Who tried to earn softness from people who didn’t know how to give it.

That version of me flickered for half a breath… and then the woman who I am now stepped forward. The one who has space. A lineage. A son rising. And a life that she refuses to ever shrink from again.

So yes — something in me tugged. But nothing in me flinched. Because I have too much to lose and too much to protect. I’ll never walk backward into a room that I had to crawl my way out of.

I looked at that text and felt the old reflex rise— just enough to recognize it. Just enough to honor the woman who I used to be. Just enough to say:

“I’m not her anymore.”

And then it dissolved. Just— dissipated. Because it never really was desire. It was a ghost. A memory of a pattern I’ve already outgrown.

The woman I am now, she did what only an awakened woman can do: She steadied. She breathed. She remembered her life. Her lineage. Her freedom.

And she chose forward.

Not from anger. Not from fear. But from the quiet certainty that the next chapter of her life cannot hold hands with people who once held her back.

So I didn’t answer. Not because I’m running. But because I’m rooted. Because my story isn’t circling anymore— it’s ascending. And the only thing that this text showed me was how far I’ve risen from the woman who once mistook survival for love.

🌙 What the body knows

A tug isn’t a calling. And you don’t have to answer. Your body can recognize the ghost of an old pattern and still choose forward.